February 14th, probably the most important date on the calendar for some..
For one day only, we invited our readers to send us their “valentine’s s.o.s” questions and take full advantage of the “TML valentines advice line”. We did our best to help, but maybe we didn’t take this as seriously as we should have..
Dear TinMan,
I’ve been dating a girl for 3 months now, and tonight – well I think it’s gonna be the night! How can I make it happen?
– Ready ‘n’ waiting, James, 22, Croydon
Dear James,
Get yourself down to the chilled aisle of your local Sainsbury’s, (*other supermarkets are available) and stock up on all the essentials for this special night:
Pre-whipped whipping cream aka squirty cream, single cream, double cream – or buttermilk if you’re really stuck.
From the groceries aisle, pick up some chocolate sauce, strawberry sauce, caramel sauce and toffee sauce. And from that all-important baking aisle: sprinkles. Coloured sugar balls if you have to.
Line up all these essentials on the bed side table when you lead your cherie amour to the conjugal bed. She’ll understand immediately and be all over you like marmite on a spoon.
Dear TinMan,
I’ve met the man of my wildest dreams and deepest, darkest fantasies. I think it’s time I asked that all-important question. We’ve been dating for almost two months already, and I just know he’s the one for me. I’m ready to be the only one for him ever and forever. How should I pop the question?
– Desperately seeking, Susan, 30, Notting Hill.
Dear Susan,
Traditionalists say you should wait until 29 February to propose to your #1 guy, but saying that’s not for another two years, why wait? You’ve known Mr Wonderful for two months, that’s almost too much time to wait if you ask me.
Question is, how are you going to do it? The most intimate, knowing gesture would be to propose in front of his family. Have you met them yet? If not, not to worry – they’ll soon be getting to you know very well indeed, I’m certain!
If Mr Wonderful is a lone wolf, however, and doesn’t have any intention of ever introducing you to his family, well then the next best thing is a restaurant setting. Try somewhere with a quiet, romantic atmosphere like Franco Manca’s in Brixton. Nothing screams I LOVE YOU, BE MINE FOREVER, like sourdough pizza and craft beer. Go easy on the garlic oil and he’s sure to say yes.
Dear TinMan,
I got my significant other tickets to see War Horse in the West End for Valentine’s, but last night they told me they’re terrified of horses because of a horrific accident that happened when they were 5. What do I do?
-Trojan Horse, 26, Battersea.
Dear Trojan,
Exactly what kind of tickets did you buy? Stalls, balcony, gods or box? Because if you’ve gone for the box you needn’t worry about what’s happening on stage, you’ll be producing, directing and starring in the action during your very own performance.
Anything less, I suggest you take advantage of a pre-theatre dinner and drinks deal, skip the dinner, quadruple the drinks and let’s hope they don’t notice anything happening on stage past the safety announcement.
If that doesn’t work, you’re just going to have to pull the pretentious-theatre-bastard card. “What do you mean, darhling? It’s not a horse, it’s the epitome of artistic expression. Don’t insult me like that again.” Say it with extra panache so they cry, allowing you to comfort them, yadda yadda yadda, you score points for being supportive and sensitive.
Dear TinMan,
What look should I channel for my blind date this Valentine’s Day? One friend said: girl-next-door cute, the other suggested I go with my usual vamped-up vixen who’s just out of her weekly sex therapy meeting attire. Thoughts? We’re going to the Tate.
– Undressed and Confused, Emma, 24, Angel.
Dear Emma,
When dressing for a first date, my advice is always stay true to you. You want to make an impression, but you don’t want to compromise on who you really are.
Are you the floral-loving jeans and blouse dresser who sips rosé wine spritzers on a first date? Or are you that no-apologies, shot drinking, Wayne’s World foxy lady who dares to make a statement in her thigh high boots?
Ultimately, what you decide all depends on one thing really: Tate Modern or Tate Britain? You know how to dress from there.